the last time i saw him, he asked me for forgiveness.

ever feel like you're a step behind? boyfriend #1 has 4 kids and is currently headed to japan to preach the word of God... just like he said he would do. I'm strangly jealous. not about the preaching or the japan parts. If I were doing what I said I would be doing 10 years ago, I'd still be struggling. I'd be starving for my art, though. I'm in a perfect place to start over, to go after what I always wanted. and i'm comtemplating going back into the business of food. Call me crazy, I guess...

monster is the devil.

I posted my resume on-line and got no less than 10 calls today from recruiters. *yeesh* Oh, and a pizza place that wanted me to work, as management, for $10.00/hour. *giggle* I have a REAL interview tomorrow and another on Thurs. Excited about the one tomorrow; not so much Thursdays'. Sometimes I feel like I throw myself into these decisions. I haven't made a decision yet, however. I am merely examining my options. I like the security of a steady paycheck and good insurance. I don't know what to do with too much free time. I can't afford school right now, so why not management. I'm still young, aren't I? AREN'T I?!?!?!? *smile* *sigh* What's it going to take to get me motivated?

http://shiner.com

mmm. Shiner... only available in 20 states. Ohio is not one of them. *pout*

digging up old photos for the site. this is my baby sister, Becca. Say hi Becca... 

call me crazy...

I am contemplating possibly returning to the land of restaurants on a full time, management basis. I talked to a few recruiters (aka headhunters) this morning and am looking forward to two interviews tomorrow. I'm holding out for money this time around. I'm not freaked out about my store closing. Hell, I don't have to give a two weeks. Running my own business is just not my full time gig right now. If I was smart, I would have done painting part time to start with, but oh well. I'll keep you posted on the job hunt. I anticipate getting back in a store within a month or so. No DP's; no BEP. Maybe italian this time, or coffee...

Meet Monroe (RoeB.Tussin)

cute, isn't she? too bad she's a wild devil dog... She a maniac puppy with a big heart. She and Daisy play "eat face" all day long. Then Daisy falls asleep and Roe eats her mom. Roe and her mom are moving out of my house this weekend. Everybody wish Roe and E good luck in their new house! (with no carpet).

let it snow..?

How long do I have to live in this state before the sight of snow falling fails to freak me out? it's snowing. going to snow all weekend. it's pretty, but i have things to do and i can't possibly function in this weather. should have bought 4-wheel drive. why can't things just shut down like they do back home? no one really wants a texan out driving in this anyway. *pout*

who's being childish?

tonight i have discovered that i am spoiled. B told me he would help me paint tonight, but changed his mind somewhere along the way, and I am still upset. Bad news. I almost asked him to leave. but wouldn't that have been childish? I left instead. I had to finish E's basement. I won't have much spare time until maybe Sun. BIG maybe. so, it's after one in the morning and I'm awake. I want to pick a fight with him, but again, that would be childish. which i am not. I am older and wiser and will not stoop to his 24 year old, mind-changing level. so neah. :P

Stupid boy.

He NEVER tells me no about anything... does this mean we're on the way out? we're doomed to an unhappy life full of fights and woe? I'm not worried. not really. not yet. but if this whole NO thing keeps up, we're going to have serious issues. I like being spoiled. It's nice this time around.

stupid boy.

so many topics to ramble about.

started out slow and stayed pretty tedious. worked 5 hours on a project that should have taken 2. wasted 3 hours reading a somwhat entertaining blog. avoided 4 collections calls. ate twice. *positive* yesterday... also slow... took 6 hours to prime and paint one room. made better money than waiting tables however, so i will cease my crying. I can't seem to pick up the pace. d r a g g i n g a s s . hrmph. mind over matter..? The money potential is unlimited with the new job lineup. I just need to bust my tail for a few weeks and I can catch up. L moves out this weekend. *mixed feelings* But she's taking the computer (i.e. my favorite time wasting excuse.) she's also taking the monster dogs. *more mixed feelings* I just want to spend some time with MY house. Maybe I'll get around to finishing the dining room or changing out the shelves in the kitchen. MY house. It's been my house since May and it's still not done. another sad testimony to the sad state of my get up & go. *grumble*

money

feeling a bit run down today. my thoughts have been filled with money problems the past few days and it's beginning to tire me out. one would think i might get motivated to get out and produce, but i'm not motivated. rather, i'm feeling the urge to hide under my covers all day and not answer my phone. I wonder if this is what boyfriend #3 was going through during the year i supported him? His bill collectors didn't know where to find him though. He hid under my covers all day. He motivates me more today than he ever did when we were together: I don't want to be like him. I don't want to be a burden on my friends and family. I can fight my blahs, not succumb to them. *sigh* At least he's good for something.

missing texas

so i've been in the good ole midwest for about two years now and i'm getting that urge again: the urge to submerse myself somewhere else. I miss austin. I miss my folk music radio. I miss my texas friends. they're starting to have babies, for goodness sake! BIG problem is I have a real life now: a house and a business and a serious relationship. Daisy likes Ben and that's hard to come by. I can't just run away anymore. I've perfected the art of making my escape look noble and fulfilling. In reality, running has always served the purpose of a clean slate and avoiding the settling stage of life. so, maybe i miss austin like i sometimes miss old boyfriends. i miss the pieces that are currently absent in my life: the social aspect, the deep friendships & the casual aquaintances. the wild times. hrm.

no worries

sometimes, i'm amazed by how well i am taken care of. starting my business was a leap of faith. with minimal advertising, it seems that jobs have fallen in my lap. jobs for crazy people, sometimes, but my mortgage is up to date and my truck is still in my driveway. *knocking on wood* case and point: nothing lined up this week; i thought i would be waiting tables for a bit, but then i get a phone call from a landlord with 6 units to start! I feel blessed and mostly unworthy. my money philosophy has always been, "it will be there when i need it." Maybe I should set my sights a bit higher. "my cup will overflow." ah, the power of positive thinking. :)

Number 1

I started an online journal once a few years back: I think I posted all of three times. Maybe a new name will help. "BLOG" not "journal" We'll see. Just my little way of reaching out to all those old high school boyfriends that are still obsessing over me. :)