Happy Holidays

We spent some time with each side of B's family this past weekend. I got to play "show-off-the-ring". pretty fun. His mom, dad, brother and grandmother all made daughter comments. :) We had dinner with my mom last night. Mom and Becca are super excited and are both concerned about finding a date. Ha! I am so tired as we didn't get home until midnight and I had to open the store this morning. Long day to be over at 2:00.
Good news: he picked a date, and I won't be 30 yet! We are getting hitched Oct 21st, 2006. Not even a year. We'll be married next Christmas! next Halloween! Yikes! I had a minor panic attack yesterday. I think it finally started to sink in: the whole married thing. He takes good care of me. We're going to be okay.

I am not planning yet...

I spent 4 hours looking at dresses online last night. I got my nails done today in preperation for everyone looking at my ring. Trying to convince B for an Oct date rather than an Apr date. Avoided an argument over who's paying for the wedding with my mother. *whew* Called a few friends. Asked my sister to stand in the wedding. got an offer for a photographer and a reference for a florist. Tried really hard not to tell B all of the "non" planning I've been "not" doing.
I have never had dreams of a fairy tale wedding. I'm not sure where this is all coming from. Personally, I am very afraid. I wasn't stressing about Christmas with his family. It's easy to blend in and relax with them. Now, I'm not so sure about the blending-in part. *sigh* Here we go!

Guess What?!

I'm engaged!
weird, huh? i was beginning to think i'd be single forever.
B proposed yesterday. The ring is beautiful. He is tickled with himself, because I was so surprised. I assumed he'd wait until he was finished with school; I was looking for a summer engagement. I'm still a bit in shock, I think. I'm not planning anything until after the first of the year. Bridal shows start in January. I invited B's mom to go with me and my mom. She has 3 boys and no other potential daughter-in-laws. It will be fun. I'm feeling a bit stressed. eek!
wearing this ring is driving me crazy. I'm not used to wearing a ring on this finger and it itches. double eek!

I used to be a writer...

I have a binder. it is full of writing dating back to a time when i used to write every day. edited journals, poems, good lines. sometimes i flip thought the pages and wander back through the memories that accompany them. sometimes i think about writing again. is an author someone who writes or someone who is read? Alot of the pieces revolve around beginnings and endings. not very many inbetween times. most of the poems revolve around extreme emotions. the most recent addition to the binder is two years old, shortly before B and I started dating. It is my favorite piece, probably due to the fact I haven't reread it a million times in a vain attempt to figure out where all my words have gone.

don't let it snow!

got a bit of the white death last night. the drive home was awful, but the city did a great job of plowing before i had to be to work this morning. just a few tricky spots. i made it through alive, yet again.
Another friday, another show. B plays at my favorite venue tonight. I should be more excited, but it's been a long week and i'm feeling quite drained. he even promised to be the D.D. i'm too tired to get too crazy. i must be getting too old to rock and roll. i'm not even tring to look cute. *pout*
gotta run. need to eat and attempt to rock out.

funny because it's true..?

Your Birthdate: February 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride. Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing. When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it. It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious. Your strength: Your warm heart Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions Your power color: Black Your power symbol: Musical note Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

pandora.com

my newest obsession in music collecting: pandora. If you haven't checked it out, do it right now!

Kids Part II

Just got off the phone with the sister and the mom. Actually quite amazed Sis talked to me. She usually won't when she's angry. the most recent fight was pretty angry and she told mom that she hated her. When I talked to her, she said that she just doesn't want to be told what to do, but that mom needs to act like a mom. hrm. interesting. I hope they get through this spell soon. I can't deal with them pulling me in the middle. I feel bad for mom but remember all too well the teenage fights we had. Of course, Sis blames it all on Dad. He was around for me and I was the perfect child with perfect grades and leading roles. I wish. I got angry when she said that and excused myself from the conversation. I reiterate the previous post: I don't want teenagers. There will come a point that I am not the most important thing in my child's world. I don't even have one, and I can't deal with it. *sigh*
Bedtime. I have to open tomorrow. It will be a good day. darn it.

Kids

After my little sister was born, i quickly decided that i never wanted to have children. It's not that she was awful, I just didn't want to HAVE to deal with her. I didn't want her to be MY problem. She's 16 now and I've gotten over the anti-children bit. I just don't ever want a teenager. The darling is going to stay with us for a few days, because she is driving my mother batty. I have to open the next two days and we're having Thanksgiving dinner with B's family. Oh joy. I am now really dreading the near future.... *grumble*

B's Family

BIG bother John, Mom, Grandma, Grandpa and B. (left to right) This is just to demonstrate that as B is 6'1", we are going to have gigantic children. B has one younger brother who is also taller than B. His dad is a bit shorter at only
5'8"-ish. He claims to be shrinking.

I am ready for my close up...

Meet Calypso, the newest member of our little family. A friend of ours does house rehabs and found this little peeper and her brothers and sisters in a basement of an abandoned house. He rushed them to the pet hospital where the vets saved them. Cali came home to us a couple days later with an aggressive appetite and goopy eyes. This picure doesn't do her beautiful calico coloring justice, but does display just how darm cute she is. 

Picture Time

Found this picture while rummaging through the computer. Ben took it, but I don't know why... This is my the stained glass in my stairwell. 

Wish I had a picture.

Today's grand adventure included TWO babies and NO snow. :) It was a fabulous day.
Visited with my friend Sara and her darling children. Drew is 15 months old and quite a charmer. I was his very first babysitter and am still his favorite. We play dancing games and he likes to snuggle. There is nothing more adorable than a little man with indie-rock hair reaching out to be picked up.
Merrin is a 5-week old, sleeping, pooping machine. Her cries are still soft and she's still cute when very VERY mad. Drew sometimes throws things at her, if mom's not on her toes. She wasn't up for dancing much yet, but we'll get there. I get to babysit for them next month; B's coming along to "help" which means I'll have to hold the baby while he dances with Drew. Two indie-rock haired men dancing. *smile*
It's going to get down into the teens tonight. BBBRRR. I've taken to wearing ball caps the past week. Keeps my head warm. No one really wants a cold head, afterall. I'm off the next two days. Sleeping in is going to be wonderful.

Love you.
~RJ

I know I said I wouldn't complain about the weather...

but I thought you should know why i adore Ohio.

yesterday: 70 degrees
today: 35 degrees and FLURRIES!

to be fair, I thought the wind yesterday was going to carry me to Oz or at least rip off my house fan.

B and I are joining a gym. his idea, but a good one. we both think working out will improve my mood. Poor B. Moody me. He wants to improve his rock-n-roll bod. Lord know, I don't need to lose any weight, but I do miss my SWT calves. not sure where or when they left, but I am now blessed with chicken legs.

Spent too much time at work so far this week. not sure why exactly. just did. I'm off Fri & Sat. :) yippy skippy! tired tired tired. too many opening shifts. not enough coffee.

Big Night.

Tonight, for the first time ever, B will play live with the new band, Lavender Drags! Alchemize, downtown Cinci, doors at 9. Show starts at 930-ish. I get to take photos. I'll post a few at a later date. Super excited, except that I have to drive my happy self downtown. He promised to meet me at the car. Not that downtown is an unhealthy place to be after dark or anything.... hrmph. got my pepper spray.
On a happy note: I have sinusitis! Good to know my week long killer headache isn't a tumor. Forced me to be responsible and pick a doctor. Insurance is a good thing. Antibiotics are also good things. You would think as a card carrying hypochondriac, I would go to the doctor more often.
On a crazed note: dogsitting this weekend for E's three dalmation devil dogs. I won't be sad to see them leave. I don't know how she does it: Each of them has her own annoying quirk: All three are needy,attention-starved girls.
Got to run. It's going to take some time to get into proper rock-n-roll girlfriend shape. I'm currently in my PJ's with my hair in a tore-up bun. I did splurge on a $15 shrug. Never really understood that whole concept, but I found a cute one on sale and thought, "what the heck!" good times.

boo!

hope you all had an eventful hollow's eve. B and I went to a party. things were a bit weird as most of the people there used to work for me, and there was alot of typical restaurant insanity. We didn't stay very long. I was the D.D. can't deal with drunk when I'm not. I recycled a costume from a few years back and shocked some people with a bit of cleavage. I have to work pretty damn hard to get cleavage. *smile*
tired tired tired. I have to open in the morning and the morning comes too fast. days i get to sleep in make me glad to not have kids. harder to find reasons to be happy about being childless, but i'm working on it for a while longer anyway. be happy in my moment. live in my now. thankful for all my blessings, like Matthew Sweet, Iron and Wine and Death Cab for Cutie. *sigh*

goodnight.

Big Sister

Didn't mention it yet, but I joined up with Big Brother/Big Sisters of Greater Cincinnati. I have a 9-year old little named Ty'ascha. (Ty for short.) She's crazy and dramatic and fun. We go out about once a week or so. She turns 10 November 11th and wants me to take her skating. She likes taco salad and chicken wings. She's a bit scared of Daisy, but loves the cats. We have a date tonight. I'm pretty pumped. She is the pickiest eater I've ever seen, but she's not afriad to try new things. Normally, she just doesn't like them. *smile*

day in a nutshell

Worked at the restaurant today. needed a Shiner when I got home. moody beyond belief. it's good to be home. B and I get to spend some time together tonight.. we haven't gotten to do that much this week. we'll end up watching an episode or two of Smallville. I can't decide if I adore Superman or Tom Welling more. I really liked Lois and Clark, oh so many years ago. I think that may have been the last TV show I HAD to watch every week. Dean Cain. um. Again, not sure whether it was the man or the myth.
Have I always been a music junkie? I am obsessing over the idea of an IPOD. I download songs constantly. I have to have music in my background. Never got excited about satellite radio, but my own personal soundtrack? Envy is a deadly sin for a reason. I want to go dancing at a gay bar.
I think about my grown up friends alot whilst blogging. I don't feel like I've grown up yet. I'm still playing. Maybe having kids will change the way I feel about myself. I'm going to be a great mom.... someday.
song of the moment: My Coco, Stellastar*....

hrm... where to begin.

Hey all. Sorry it's been awhile. Computer issues and lack of motivation have kept me away. Nothing much has changed. Still working a part time job, though less often. B lives here 4 REAL, now. He continues to be an amazing support. He's in an almost gigging band: Lavender Drags. Their first show is Nov 12, if you happen to be in Cinci at that point. (don't ask about the name. i don't know.) We got another cat. I promise to post more often. I promise not to complain too much about work. I got promoted at the end of July and have my own rotten store. J/K. My staff of 12 is made up of good kids; we're still getting used to eachother. I will continue to complain about the weather. Fall is in the air, and I'm not happy about it. Snow = right around the corner.... TTFN

I wish I had something exciting to report...

but i don't...

nothing going on but work, work, and more work. With any luck, the 2 job thing will not be neccessary after this month. I'm really starting to wear down. B's been awesome. I miss my friends, as they never get to see me unless they visit me at work. I met up with my mom on Mother's Day. I'm taking E out to dinner on her birthday next week. I did talk to K yesterday. She's on the road again, but I missed her in this neck of the woods. Can't keep up with that girl. never could, I guess. *sigh*
goodnight. gotta sleep. long day tomorrow.

XOXO.

if you don't like the weather...

wait 5 minutes. How true it is here in Cinci. I woke up yesterday to crazy thunder, and today I woke up to snow. I'm freezing, but I refuse to turn on the heat. It will be back to normal temps in a couple days. Ben wanted to turn on the AC a few day ago! I'm stingy. We did turn on the house fan. Coolest thing. I'd never hear of one before this house. Just open the windows and the fan circulates the air through the whole house! Creates a nice breeze. I only needed the AC for a few weeks last summer. Electric/gas bills were a bear all winter, but relief is in sight. Yea seasons!

Happy 80th Picture I promised weeks ago. G-ma (front row, left) and Aunt Ginny (front row left) Left 2 right back row: Aunt Carol, Mom, Aunt Sue, Aunt Gayle, Aunt Ginger, and Aunt Linda 

Updates.

Not too much to report. B's been off school this week. We both worked alot. I did my taxes, and expected to owe some money, but it turned out to be a reasonable amount. (thank you house/tution/self employed credits) Ben did his taxes; his refund is going toward drum equipment . *hrmph* I find it hard to be supportive of "fun" purchases right now with my own tight budget, but then I remind myself that I'm not his mother and he's an adult. He's been amazing about helping me with a million things and he may never have the opportunity to spend a thousand dollars on recording equipment ever, ever again... *sigh* I'm just jealous.
On that note, it a beautiful spring day here in the tri-state area, and I wish you were here.

XOXO

boo!

sorry its been a while, but B's been hogging the computer recently. He had a few final projects due last week. He's working on some neat stuff. Some day he'll get around to building me a web page, though I don't know what I'd put on it. *hrm* any suggestions?
Saw Little Shop of Horrors this week. E and I had subscription seats, but this was our last show. I think we're going to do it again next season. Wicked is coming!!! LOVE that show. Read the book and/or see the musical. Either way, a good time.
All in all, a good week. Worked alot between the two jobs, but I'm off tonight and intend on spending a nice relaxing evening in front of the computer playing Sims 2. B's working. :) *sigh* good times.

One more picture. This is Fountain Square. I walked right by this fountain on the trek to work today. Its pretty. and policemen on horses remend me of SanAntonio. 

Craziness abounds in this picture. Becca is wearing MY sweater and is sitting by MY boyfriend AND she looks a hell of a lot like me. Becca also, like me, looks drunk in every picture ever taken of her. 

recent obsession: Sims 2. Here we have Ben and me. Ben chose my shirt because its similar to the one I wore on the night he first kissed me. *aw* I chose his sweater because boys in sweaters are hot. 

good day sunshine.

I missed you sunshine! Yea for springtime! If it snows anymore, I will die. Thats it... die. Rainy weekend forcasted. cross your fingers for me. no snow no snow.... The breeze was blowing today; the sun was bright. I walked three blocks to work from our parking "area", but it was okay. The crackheads on the corner were even in a good mood. :) A lady came in tonight asking if we would do something about the crackheads because they were keeping her from coming in for coffee. *giggle* She said crackheads. mmmm. grande soy raspberry mocha for dinner. tasty. I don't know why I don't drink more coffee. it makes me so happy.

Smelly memory.

I got into the elevator this afternoon and was struck by the old familar scent of the cheap cologne that Sam wore when we were dating. awful stuff, really, but it made me smile; it brought his face immediately to the front of mind. Amazing what tricks the nose plays. My nose is in cahoots with my brain. Once in while, on very random days, I'll catch the smell of the soccer field at Coronado Village Elementary School. Some crazy plant life that grew there, I think. 20 years ago, but it comes back and I know exactly where its coming from. I wish that I could bottle that smell, like a bottle of cologne, and spray it everywhere on gloomy, grown up days.

on a side note: anyone that isn't obsessed with Damion Rice, let's get with the program, kids!

current music: "Cheers Darlin'" O Damion Rice. Melodrama Mama

Home Sweet Home

Chicago was fun. Happy that Lent is behind us, as well as extreme family time. I've eaten pizza two days in a row now, but all in all, I think I'm through with my cheese addiction. I lost 9 pounds in 6 weeks and the only thing I did differently was to stop eating cheese. This tells me that I was eating too much of it. I did miss pizza and other italian food. B's mom wants us to cook eggplant parmesan together. *aw* That screams cheese.
The new store is fun. With any luck, it will be my last "new" store until I get my own store. I hate the uncomfortable first few days while everyone is trying to figure me out, and vice versa. Some are more subtle about it than others. Ah, well, this too shall pass. Good Times.

Happy Easter!

Going to Chicago for Easter and G-ma's 80th. I'm not really excited as it is snowing there and I have to drive through Indiana. (we know what THAT means: bad weather central!) Actually, B's driving; I'm napping. Maybe it won't be so bad after all. :) We'll take some pictures. B got a digital camera for school *wink wink* I'll post a few next week. Give your moms big hugs for me.

the first one...

I attended my first district meeting today. The big boss took us to Don Pablos for lunch. yea. He did ask if I was comfortable going there, at least. We didn't go to MY old store, but I still knew a few people. Ah, the bad ole' days. Don't miss them, ever.
On a happy note, I'm staying downtown! My new store is three blocks over and very busy. Normal hours: open til 10 pm. Open weekends. Chatted with my new store manager over lunch. He's very laid back, but nice. He likes to surround himself with high-energy people. How can you be anything but whilst hopped up on coffee?..

what i hate most about...

I really have no intention on going to my 10 year high school reunion, but i'd at least like to know about it. I've checked Reunion.com and Classmates.com, but nothing about a reunion. As I look at those sights though, I realize how few people I knew in high school. B went to a tiny Catholic school. We attended to a going away party for a girl moving overseas a few months ago. About 50 people showed up, he knew them all, and that was most of his graduating class. Weird. Hundreds of people that we graduated with, and I would be lucky to know 10% of them. Bad thing? No. It just makes me wonder about the validity of a reunion. I've never planned on going anyway.

good morning sunshine!

The sun woke me up this morning. Yea! It's going to be a beautiful day. When I first moved up here I just didn't understand why people were willing to wait hours to eat outside at a restaurant. After being cooped up for three months, I now understand. Welcome back Spring! It's going to be a good one.

good times

had a lovely weekend. only left the house to shop for groceries... twice. Went downtown to the market. homemade veggie tamales. very tasty though not very nutritious. reminded me of the old hometown.
Today B. was doing homework all day, so I cooked lunch and dinner. felt very domestic. I watched Mona Lisa Smile. not very impressed. Dead Poet's Society was better. I adore Kristen Dunst, though. She's so cute, even when she's misunderstood and bratty.
*sigh* Bedtime. I don't go in too early tomorrow, but early enough. It's going to be a mixed blessing to get into my own store. No more 9 to 5. mixed indeed.

Vegetarian Me

May 5th is my five year anniversary in the crazy world of vegetarians. In celebration, I bought myself a subscription to Vegetarian Times and am planning a dinner party for all of my meat-eating friends (and fellow veggies). Join me!

one two three four...

get your doggies on the floor.

good day at work. got to learn about coffee. go figure. I have to go to Indianapolis (ie INDIE for those of you not blessed to live in corn country) for a meeting Monday. The weather is never good when I am in Indie. Snow, rain, fog. It will probably do all three as I have a very early morning meeting to attend. I have a few classes, meetings, reviews next week, so I'm really only in the downtown store a few more days. *pout* Just when I was getting to really like those guys. Make new friends but keep the old.... one is silver and the others gold.

very interesting...

bold the states you've been to, underline the states you've lived in and italicize the state you're in now...

Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida / Georgia / Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana / Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana / Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts / Michigan / Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire / New Jersey / New Mexico / New York / North Carolina / North Dakota / Ohio / Oklahoma / Oregon / Pennsylvania / Rhode Island / South Carolina / South Dakota / Tennessee / Texas / Utah / Vermont / Virginia / Washington / West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming / Washington D.C /

Go HERE to have a form generate the HTML for you.

the cat out of the bag...

hey ladies.
love you lots.
welcome to my outlet.
stay a while and connect.
i've missed you.

the worst thing about working downtown...

parking.
i park in a lot, i pay $8.00 a day. I park on the street, I pay stupid parking tickets due to the hawk-like meter maid and my less than perfect meter feeding skills. I have the option to pay online, which is good. One goes through, while the second doesn't. *growl* I love my job. I hate the parking nightmare that comes along with it.

Gardenburgerheaven

so I'm not the biggest fan of garden burgers. Servers at restaurants must think me a bit odd when I ask what brand of veggie burger they sell, but I refuse to order a garden burger. taste, texture, flavor are all worng. BUT, Kroger had a handful of Morningstar Farms products on sale yesterday and a few garden burger products were lumped in with them. I picked out a southwestern "chicken" meal, and I am amazed. It kind of has a fajita feel, with lots of onion and peppers and black beans. There is a generous amount of "chicken" and it's all topped with a spicy sauce. 1.5 grams of fat and 24 grams of protein. typical astronomical sodium count, but such is life with all convenience foods. I only wish I had some tortillas. Ah...... tummy happy.

so far...so coffee.

1st day on the job and i'm pretty geeked. Is there such a thing as too good to be true in the real world? Worked 8 hours today. got a 30 minute break away from the store. Having psghetti for dinner to celebrate. J's coming over. *happy dance* Best day in a long time. *sigh*

shhh. we're hunting wabbits.

the job hunt is over! I accepted an offer from a mega-coffee company which shall not be named to protect the company's image should they ever aggravate me to the point of trashing them on my blog where the entire coffee drinking world can see them for what they really are. (J/K) Really though, I'm pretty excited to have gotten my 1st choice job. The company looks good so far. As always, I'll keep you posted. Just a couple last painting committments to finish up, including my dining room, and then I may never paint again. *giggle*

I like purple...

Your Passion is Purple

Sophisticated and classy, you're a bit picky about sex. You're more likely to be turned on by a fancy hotel room than a dirty flick. Sex is fine enough, as long as it doesn't mess up your hair. For you, sex is more about power and favors than actually pleasure.

What Color Is Your Passion?

the last time i saw him, he asked me for forgiveness.

ever feel like you're a step behind? boyfriend #1 has 4 kids and is currently headed to japan to preach the word of God... just like he said he would do. I'm strangly jealous. not about the preaching or the japan parts. If I were doing what I said I would be doing 10 years ago, I'd still be struggling. I'd be starving for my art, though. I'm in a perfect place to start over, to go after what I always wanted. and i'm comtemplating going back into the business of food. Call me crazy, I guess...

monster is the devil.

I posted my resume on-line and got no less than 10 calls today from recruiters. *yeesh* Oh, and a pizza place that wanted me to work, as management, for $10.00/hour. *giggle* I have a REAL interview tomorrow and another on Thurs. Excited about the one tomorrow; not so much Thursdays'. Sometimes I feel like I throw myself into these decisions. I haven't made a decision yet, however. I am merely examining my options. I like the security of a steady paycheck and good insurance. I don't know what to do with too much free time. I can't afford school right now, so why not management. I'm still young, aren't I? AREN'T I?!?!?!? *smile* *sigh* What's it going to take to get me motivated?

http://shiner.com

mmm. Shiner... only available in 20 states. Ohio is not one of them. *pout*

digging up old photos for the site. this is my baby sister, Becca. Say hi Becca... 

call me crazy...

I am contemplating possibly returning to the land of restaurants on a full time, management basis. I talked to a few recruiters (aka headhunters) this morning and am looking forward to two interviews tomorrow. I'm holding out for money this time around. I'm not freaked out about my store closing. Hell, I don't have to give a two weeks. Running my own business is just not my full time gig right now. If I was smart, I would have done painting part time to start with, but oh well. I'll keep you posted on the job hunt. I anticipate getting back in a store within a month or so. No DP's; no BEP. Maybe italian this time, or coffee...

Meet Monroe (RoeB.Tussin)

cute, isn't she? too bad she's a wild devil dog... She a maniac puppy with a big heart. She and Daisy play "eat face" all day long. Then Daisy falls asleep and Roe eats her mom. Roe and her mom are moving out of my house this weekend. Everybody wish Roe and E good luck in their new house! (with no carpet).

let it snow..?

How long do I have to live in this state before the sight of snow falling fails to freak me out? it's snowing. going to snow all weekend. it's pretty, but i have things to do and i can't possibly function in this weather. should have bought 4-wheel drive. why can't things just shut down like they do back home? no one really wants a texan out driving in this anyway. *pout*

who's being childish?

tonight i have discovered that i am spoiled. B told me he would help me paint tonight, but changed his mind somewhere along the way, and I am still upset. Bad news. I almost asked him to leave. but wouldn't that have been childish? I left instead. I had to finish E's basement. I won't have much spare time until maybe Sun. BIG maybe. so, it's after one in the morning and I'm awake. I want to pick a fight with him, but again, that would be childish. which i am not. I am older and wiser and will not stoop to his 24 year old, mind-changing level. so neah. :P

Stupid boy.

He NEVER tells me no about anything... does this mean we're on the way out? we're doomed to an unhappy life full of fights and woe? I'm not worried. not really. not yet. but if this whole NO thing keeps up, we're going to have serious issues. I like being spoiled. It's nice this time around.

stupid boy.

so many topics to ramble about.

started out slow and stayed pretty tedious. worked 5 hours on a project that should have taken 2. wasted 3 hours reading a somwhat entertaining blog. avoided 4 collections calls. ate twice. *positive* yesterday... also slow... took 6 hours to prime and paint one room. made better money than waiting tables however, so i will cease my crying. I can't seem to pick up the pace. d r a g g i n g a s s . hrmph. mind over matter..? The money potential is unlimited with the new job lineup. I just need to bust my tail for a few weeks and I can catch up. L moves out this weekend. *mixed feelings* But she's taking the computer (i.e. my favorite time wasting excuse.) she's also taking the monster dogs. *more mixed feelings* I just want to spend some time with MY house. Maybe I'll get around to finishing the dining room or changing out the shelves in the kitchen. MY house. It's been my house since May and it's still not done. another sad testimony to the sad state of my get up & go. *grumble*

money

feeling a bit run down today. my thoughts have been filled with money problems the past few days and it's beginning to tire me out. one would think i might get motivated to get out and produce, but i'm not motivated. rather, i'm feeling the urge to hide under my covers all day and not answer my phone. I wonder if this is what boyfriend #3 was going through during the year i supported him? His bill collectors didn't know where to find him though. He hid under my covers all day. He motivates me more today than he ever did when we were together: I don't want to be like him. I don't want to be a burden on my friends and family. I can fight my blahs, not succumb to them. *sigh* At least he's good for something.

missing texas

so i've been in the good ole midwest for about two years now and i'm getting that urge again: the urge to submerse myself somewhere else. I miss austin. I miss my folk music radio. I miss my texas friends. they're starting to have babies, for goodness sake! BIG problem is I have a real life now: a house and a business and a serious relationship. Daisy likes Ben and that's hard to come by. I can't just run away anymore. I've perfected the art of making my escape look noble and fulfilling. In reality, running has always served the purpose of a clean slate and avoiding the settling stage of life. so, maybe i miss austin like i sometimes miss old boyfriends. i miss the pieces that are currently absent in my life: the social aspect, the deep friendships & the casual aquaintances. the wild times. hrm.

no worries

sometimes, i'm amazed by how well i am taken care of. starting my business was a leap of faith. with minimal advertising, it seems that jobs have fallen in my lap. jobs for crazy people, sometimes, but my mortgage is up to date and my truck is still in my driveway. *knocking on wood* case and point: nothing lined up this week; i thought i would be waiting tables for a bit, but then i get a phone call from a landlord with 6 units to start! I feel blessed and mostly unworthy. my money philosophy has always been, "it will be there when i need it." Maybe I should set my sights a bit higher. "my cup will overflow." ah, the power of positive thinking. :)

Number 1

I started an online journal once a few years back: I think I posted all of three times. Maybe a new name will help. "BLOG" not "journal" We'll see. Just my little way of reaching out to all those old high school boyfriends that are still obsessing over me. :)